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Hassles of Being Newly Married

Wait! Did I say Hassles..You must be wondering how, if getting married is a beautiful experience why would someone relate it to being an exerting one. But, here is a scenario that might sound familiar to a lot of you. I met Rumelia (name changed) in a counselling session a few months back. Hurriedly she entered the room, settled in her chair and while playing with her sareepallu she hesitatingly said “I hope nobody saw me leaving the house today. It has been so hard to…you know” and she broke down.

The session was dominated by her sharing some unsettling anecdotes of her new married life.

Adapting to a changed way of living, new faces, constant expectations and freshly assumed role and responsibility is quite overwhelming for most couples. Transitions aren’t easy and especially in a culture like ours the pressure to accommodate is at multiple levels. Financial obligation to get a certain amount of gold, money or belongings in the form of subtle yet much wanted dowry is quite prevalent not only in lower but upper and middle classes too. Newfangled physical space, changed bedroom, altered sleep cycle and an equally new partner (in case of an arranged marriage) do little to make the new bride feel comfortable.

The psychological burden of having a fulfilling relationship with the spouse becomes a quandary hard to resolve because most of the couples stay with the groom’s side of the family post marriage. This makes it hard for the couple to spend quality time together and form a bond of understanding. Another concern that creeps in at this point is the undefined, important and powerful relationship that the bride shares with her in-laws.

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